Pet peeves anyone? Here are a few of mine I’ve identified this past week:
1. The phrase FML (as in F#@& my life): Seriously? I’ll admit, when I was keeled over retching in front of the Louvre my first day in Paris after eating a bad hot dog, I was feeling sorry for myself. But it was only when, after wiping the pukey slobber from my chin, that I stepped – no…slid! in a huge pile of steaming dog poo, and I started to think FM…But then I thought, I’M IN PARIS! I seriously dislike when people use “FML” for every little insignificant problem (Hairdryer broke – FML, Long line at Costco – FML, Gas prices went up ten cents – FML, Ran out of limes for my cerveza – FML). C’mon people, life ain’t that bad!
2. Porsche drivers: I know it’s a stereotype – and probably one many people have about motorcycle riders as well (they all drive like idiots and think they’re ‘da bomb). But seriously, why does every porsche driver ride my bumper like they want my car to mate with theirs? Luckily these bumper humpers are known to tire quickly when it comes to vehicular seduction. The driver changes lanes abruptly in a fit of frustration, and speeds off as if to prove their Porsche is a highly desirable sexual partner by virtue of how fast it reaches the next stop light. I’m so impressed.
3. Blending Words (aka portmanteau): I wrote an article for my company’s franchisee magazine last week. In it I used the word “participaction” – as in participate and action – combined. Ugh! Some recent examples that I’ve come to hate but often use include: bromance, manscaping, infotainment, murse, chillax, frenemy – to name a few. The problem is, they’re just so darn useful! If you think about it, so many of the words in our every day language are two words made into one (breathalyzer, smog, motel, cheeseburger). They’re a necessary and efficient evil.
4. Children at fine dining restaurants. Scratch that (as the glares of a thousand date-night deprived moms bore into my soul). To rephrase: badly behaved children at nice (read: expensive) restaurants… makes me crazy! I’m about to drop $150 on date night with my husband. I’m paying for the good food, yes. I’m also paying for ambiance – you know, the nice music, low lights, cloth napkins, the soft-spoken server who knows the wine list off by heart and is in the midst of suggesting a pairing with my risotto when he’s interrupted mid-sentence by a screeching child determined to bang his plate on the table until it’s reduced to dust. The parents murmur an impatient “shhhhhh” and return to conversation, oblivious to the end-of-the world racket occurring at their elbows. Trust me, your kids don’t appreciate the panko crusted softshell crab or the organic ginger infused sparkling lemonade – take them to a place where their childlike nature will be embraced.
5. No “Thanks”: I can’t stand when I spend a lot of money on something and the person I bought it from barely musters a smile and a thank you. I spent 6 months saving hard for a Triumph Bonneville motorcycle. When I handed over the cheque, I barely got a mumbled thanks for what was, probably one of the easiest sales of his season (I pointed at that one and said ‘I would like to buy this please’). No smile, no gratitude, a hurried thank you as he handed me over to his paperwork person. I don’t expect to get a foot rub when I buy nail polish. I don’t want the salesperson at The Gap bowing down with appreciation when I cross the threshold. But when I put hard-earned cash down to make a major purchase, you’d better believe I want a thank you and a smile – maybe even an offer to take a picture with me and my new bike.